Common Questions & Information

I work with a very grounded, practical and real-life type of approach. I work from a viewpoint that not only understands relationship therapy but understands relationships at their very core. As a client, sometimes it's going to feel like therapy, sometimes it's going to feel like coaching, and sometimes it's going to feel educational. Sometimes there may even be some homework. Expect to laugh sometimes, expect to cry sometimes, and expect to laugh and cry at the same time some other times. It's going to be dependent on your specific relationship situation. At no point will you feel directionless. Ultimately, the direction of what happens is dictated by what your specific relationship safety needs are at that time.

I'm located in Littleton and you can find my exact address at the top of this page. Because clients find me easily accessible in central Littleton, I also serve people in Highlands Ranch, Centennial, Greenwood Village, Cherry Hills Village, Ken Caryl, Englewood, and South Denver. Virtual sessions are also available across Colorado and Texas.

Even if you don't come to see me, I highly recommend two things when searching:

1. Finding someone who's primary work (at least 50% of their clients) are couples, and
2. They focus a lot of their work on emotions.

I say this for a couple of reasons:

1. Working with couples and relationships and working with people individually for other mental health problems are two very different ball games. Someone who's used to looking at people through an individual lens will miss a lot of things (and consequently end up struggling with the couple) when it comes to relationship dynamics between the couple.
2. Just about everything that happens in a relationship happens on the emotional level, well before it happens on any other level. So, understanding/change needs to occur there. Someone that works with “tools” that operate on the intellectual level will end up setting you up to fail (not intentionally, it's just what happens) because by the time the mind catches up to what's happening, it's too late.

I have spent an awful lot of time just trying to “understand” people. The only thing I've been sure of is that I believe the vast majority of people (99+%) are “good”, they try to live their lives in the best way possible and try to make things work to the best of their ability. That doesn't mean they always do the “right” thing but it does mean that they do the best they can as they can. I've believed that a person's behavior makes sense in their context and if I don't understand the behavior, no matter what it is, then I simply don't understand enough of that person's context.

Being trauma informed through previous work, while doing trainings in EMDR and Emotionally-Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), has allowed me to gain real world perspective on how our past influences our present and how this really plays out in relationships.

What that has allowed me to do is to see people, not through their behaviors, but through the needs of their behaviors. What that then means is that I have come to understand people's own behaviors even better than they understand it themselves, which has allowed me to “see the big picture” of what happens with a person, particularly in relationships.

Over time, this way of understanding people has allowed me to see patterns in relationships that most couples don't see themselves. Once you understand how emotional safety is being created or eroded, relationship dynamics become far less mysterious.

I don't rely on guesswork or trendy techniques. I look at the emotional mechanics of what's happening between two people. When you understand those mechanics, you can see very clearly where things are headed, and more importantly, how to change the direction.

Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying.

Honestly, it's MUCH better to talk to someone too early than too late. Even if you don't feel like you have any problems in your relationship (either as a couple or as an individual), it is significantly easier (and WAY cheaper) to address potential issues that haven't come up yet than it is to address long standing issues.

Absolutely. I address this in more detail here. Oh, and one word of caution. Just because your partner doesn't want to come in doesn't mean they don't care or value the relationship (a very popular myth). They are doing it for very different reasons.

Absolutely. High-stress environments — both at work and at home — actually bring out the lack of safety between partners more readily. My entire practice revolves around relationships with significant others. I've worked a lot with entrepreneurs, corporate executives, professional athletes, doctors, lawyers, engineers, and basically anyone with high demands on their time, since it's very important to them that their time is maximized both professionally and personally to give them the best chance of success in both. But really, I see clients from all types of backgrounds, cultures and ages, as relationship issues are universal for all human beings.

Absolutely not. I'm inclusive and accepting of everyone, regardless of beliefs, gender, sexual orientation, history or any other variable. We're all human beings.

The easiest way to book something with me is to go the schedule session link which will take you to my calendar. You'll input some of your information (and your partner's if applicable) and you'll be set. You'll each receive your own set of paperwork (which is why you each need your own separate email address) that has to be filled out prior to meeting for the first time. Just make sure to show up a few minutes prior to the start of your session and I'll take it from there.

I'll start off with my introductory “spiel” where I go over several housekeeping basics and then I'll ask about what brings you in. I will give each of you a chance to speak and I'll make sure to ask questions relevant to what I'm hearing to get a good gauge of where you are currently. I'll give you some feedback on where some of the safety issues are (or potentially will be in the future) and moving forward, what needs to be done to correct them big picture wise and what kinds of things we'd be focusing on in future sessions should you choose to return. But just FYI, I will not allow a couple to schedule their second session at the end of their initial intake.

I do this for two reasons:

1. The safety of your relationship is what matters to me and so I want people to be able to talk to their partner freely about what they thought of that first session (and what they think of me) so that they can both be sure they want to return.
2. I never want anyone to feel pressured in any way to return. All of this works a lot better when clients feel they are free to choose to attend and I would like to keep it that way.

That's always a really hard thing to answer. Sometimes couples want to address just one specific thing. Sometimes they want to look for “blind spots” in their relationship. Sometimes there has been long-time conflict and an affair was just discovered. All of those have different answers. Generally, the higher the lack of safety present in the relationship — more conflict, a problem that's been around a long time, things escalating faster, a crisis situation, more volatility and tension between partners — the more time it's going to take. Because couples tend to wait until things get bad before seeking outside help, I generally recommend coming weekly for at least 4 or 5 consecutive weeks to start, but this is only a recommendation. Just know that the more infrequent and spaced out attendance is, especially in the beginning, the harder it can be and the longer it will take — you're building new relational habits. Because of that, sometimes couples find that a full-day or 2-day intensive ends up being more useful for them. My ultimate goal is for you to not need me, or anyone like me, again.

I find that clients (and clients agree) get more “bang for the buck” with longer sessions. I find that 60 minutes isn't enough time to see a couple and don't want people to feel like they are being rushed, especially since so much can often happen towards the back end of sessions. I feel that clients get more out of one 90 minute session than two 60 minute sessions. Which means that more progress can be had in a shorter amount of time.

On occasion I do offer 4-hour and 6-hour intensive sessions on a case-by-case basis for couples that really want to maximize their therapy time and impact or for couples that are traveling to see me. I don't have normal weekend availability, but I will offer weekend sessions on occasion on a case-by-case basis. You can

This is a private-pay couples counseling practice in Littleton, CO, and I do not accept insurance directly.

Generally speaking, insurance doesn't cover couples work and my experience with insurance companies has not always been the best. They often require an individual diagnosis for specific treatment criteria with required reporting to them in order to obtain authorization for sessions. All of which I am not comfortable doing (since none of that involves “couples” work) and does not end up being beneficial to you, the client. So while I may see less clients on a given week, I find that this approach allows me to give higher attention to detail and a more personalized service that my clients really seem to enjoy.

Absolutely not. I know that's easy to say but everything I say and do is with your relationship's best interest in mind. Picking sides means there must be right or wrong, a winner and loser. To me, if one of you is losing, then you're both losing. And even if I did take a side and said one of you is “right” your relationship is absolutely no better off for it. It just does no good.

Attendance and fees are listed on the Rates page.

You will see and feel an increase in safety. What that means is that, slowly but surely, you find yourself having more moments of connection and you will see a difference in any potential arguments/fights and, just as importantly (or more importantly), how quickly you are able to “get past” the argument/fight and come back together.

Yes. Even though my work is built around my Emotional Safety Framework, I do have advanced training in EFT and am Gottman informed. While my framework is the heart of what I do, those modalities have had an influence on how I do my work.

Yes, and it's something I highly recommend. While I go more into it on my premarital counseling service page, I constantly say that it is much easier and cheaper to prevent relationship issues than it is to try and repair them later. Nobody goes into their wedding day believing that divorce is possible one day, and yet our divorce rate continues to be near 50% for first-time marriages. I would like to be a part of getting that number substantially lower.

Sí, ofrezco terapia de pareja en español para residentes en el área metropolitana del sur de Denver, incluyendo Littleton, Highlands Ranch, Centennial, Englewood, Greenwood Village y comunidades vecinas.